We all have those special people in our life that bother us pretty much nonstop. Whether it’s your slightly racist uncle, your best friend's overbearing wife, or that friend of a friend that has nowhere else to go you have to spend Christmas with these people. Since we also all know that the baby Jesus will be watching we have to waste our money on a gift for these weirdo’s. Since we have to waste our money anyway we might as well buy some of the most useless garbage that no one in their right mind could ever want. Below are a few gift ideas that you can go out and buy today to ruin someone’s holiday spirit the second that they open it.
From anywhere between twenty and sixty dollars you can disappoint someone with a piece of technology that has been completely outdated since 1997. That’s right a cassette recorder! Now your gift recipient can record their voice and then play it back to themselves and no one else forcing them to wonder why they even still talk to you.
or about fifty dollars you can get someone who is grossly uncoordinated a decent pair of rollerblades that they will never use. There’s nothing better than the look on your great Aunt Shirley’s when she opens up a box containing wheels that she can wear on her feet . Broken hip included.
For ten dollars you can get anyone on your list a device called Rapid Ramen. It is for cooking ramen noodles in the microwave and it is essentially just a shitty square plastic bowl. No one wants this. No one will ever use this. No one needs to cook ramen noodles faster than three minutes, and if for some reason you do you can just use any bowl or Tupperware that you currently already own. This is a sure to hate gift for anyone in the family to throw in the garbage
Only $9.95 and you can let a special someone know that you think they are a piece of white trash with these jolly rancher candles. You are sure to disappoint anyone who doesn’t want their house smelling like cheap shitty hard candy. They also have a bonus function of letting whoever you give them to think that you believe their house currently smells worse than cheap shitty hard candy.
Happy Holidays and remember to never get a gift receipt.