Starbucks Caramel K-Cup: Time For A Breast Reduction

Dear Starbucks,

Recently my fiancĂ© and I tried your new Caramel flavored K-Cup in hopes of adding Starbucks quality coffee to our morning routine.  After we both frantically spit out our first sip, we sat in disbelief that something so horrible could come from a brand we used to trust.  I don't know how to describe the taste other than "dirt with a hint of butthole".  Aside from my dog, I can't think of anyone or thing that would enjoy those flavors?  Did you use a panel of puppies for your taste tests?  Do your other blends taste like empty scrotums and sofa stuffing?

We decided to check product reviews online to see if maybe we got a bad batch (one that had been left in a port-o-potty for a few months during the summer).  Turns out we're not alone in thinking this product is completely terrible.  Here are a few 1-star reviews from to corroborate ours:

  • "Now, I've never tasted rat poison but this is what I image it might taste like." --Raul Conover
  • "This taste is sort of like if you wiped up all of the spilled coffee in a Starbucks and microwaved it." --Kyle Hale
  • "If you take pepper, mix it with Goodyear tires, add some grapefruit and sprinkle some cigarette butts into brow flavored water, the you would have the precise taste ingredients found in this Starbucks caramel." --Hoisher
  • "You may as well brew a used gym sock in your Kuerig." --Hunterjumper1176
  • "This is by far the worst flavored coffee I've ever had in my entire life. Actually it would be more accurate to say that it is the worst food I have ever tasted." --Don
  • "The flavor (if you can call it that, is the furthest thing from what a cup of coffee should be). More like taking transmission fluid." --Y. Rodriguez 
  • "Tastes like chewing on tin foil and chemicals. Do not waste your money on this coffee. Stick to Folgers." --Michael J Pelland
  • "All I could smell was vomit/tinges of caramel." --SDSun

I used to think Barnie's "Santa's White Christmas" (tastes like potpourri) was the worst coffee of all time, but it doesn't hold a candle to your Caramel K-Cup.  Unless you're willing to change the recipe or rebrand as "Satan's Dark Eternity", I suggest you stop manufacturing this product altogether.